Everyone has habitual patterns of:
> Behavior
> Reaction
> Perspective
(Anything from biting your nails..
To needing to "recharge" by pushing others away..
To always getting angry in specific situations)
That ruin your quality of life
But change is possible
Here's how..
------------------------------------------------------
First..
In order to be able to fix a problem..
You have to know it actually exists
Many of your deepest habits and behaviors will be unconscious
And here's the thing..
Until you make them conscious..
They will rule your life and make you suffer
(And you'll call it fate)
If you don't bother doing the work?
You end up pulling a Ballotelli
"Why always me?"
"Why do I never say what I know I NEED to say in meetings.."
"Why do I keep people pleasing instead of becoming the leader I KNOW I need to be"
"Why do I always push people away as soon as they start getting close?"
It's the same stuff..
Again and again..
Just in different situations
With slightly different flavors
The end result is the always the same:
LACK and SELF SABOTAGE in the realms of:
> Health
> Wealth
> Love
So what's the answer?
1. Cultivating awareness
In a 2010 study conducted by Harvard Psychologists..
They found the average person spends almost 47% of their day thinking about something other than what they're currently doing..
The implications of this are terrifying..
Let's say you're 35 now..
The average life expectancy in America is 77..
you've got 42 years left..
Or..
If you're operating on the same level as the average person in 2010
(I'd bet it's higher now given the myriad distractions that have arisen in the last 13 years)
You essentially have 21 years of productive, conscious time left
And here's the thing..
The more time we spend in those unconscious states..
The more difficult it is to FULLY engage and enjoy the times that we actually are in the moment..
And not off in some fantasy about the future..
Or pondering some pain in the past
Or caught in some loop of rumination..
Going over the same "stuff" that you were yesterday, last week..
Even last year
To cultivate the awareness to become aware of that which binds us..
There are two main tools we have at our disposal:
> Meditation
> Mindfulness
(https://twitter.com/Mystical_x0/status/1690325603931844608
<-- Here's a full beginner to pre-int meditation guide if you're interested in starting a practice)
Instead of telling you the mechanics behind why these work..
I'm going to offer you some practical frameworks that you can take into your every day life
The same exact tools that I use to achieve states of:
> Joy
> Flow
> Peace
> Tranquility
> Mystical states
etc - Essentially on demand
These frameworks are incredibly simple..
But as the old adage goes..
Simplicity scales, complexity fails
Let's dive in
---------------------------------------------------------
Meditation: Mindfulness of Breathing
Goal: Develop a tranquil + Focused mind
Time: 10-30+ mins
Mindset: The beautiful breath is my place of peace, my haven that I gently return to
Imagine a cooling Oasis in the middle of a dank humid forest - It's waters melt away all your tension as you climb in
> Sit and get comfortable
> Allow yourself to completely relax
> Gently smile in your heart > mouth > eyes > mind
> Feel a deep wave of relaxation washing over your mind and body
(Imagine holding onto many heavy shopping bags, let them go - put down your burden - This is your time - A time of true peace and relaxation)
> Apply a very gentle, light attention to the sensations of your breath at the nostrils
> Gently sustain your attention here
When the mind wanders apply the 6Rs:
> Recognize when the mind has wandered
> Release the thought - Let it go
> Relax (very important)
> Re-smile (often when we forget our object our gentle smile disappears)
> Return to your breath
> Repeat every as required
Continue doing this until you finish your sit
The goal is NOT to have 0 thoughts
It's to retrain the mind's habitual tendency to sneakily move out of the present
This is how you retrain your mind's systems of attention
-----------------------------------------------------------
Mindfulness:
Goal: Start to notice when we slip into habitual rumination/spacing out and relax back into the NOW
Time: ALWAYS ON
Mindset: My seat of personal power is in this very moment
Firstly..
Mindfulness is not something you do for 10 mins a day..
A constant vigilant watch of the castle gates of your mind
Recognizing when the mind had wandered off course..
And gently bringing it back to the present
Can you see how similar this is to the Meditation practice?
And really..
Mindfulness is just meditation..
But your object becomes LIFE ITSELF
This very moment
As such..
Every moment is an opportunity to practice
Here are two simple frameworks you can use to cultivate awareness in daily life:
FRAMEWORK 1:
> Slow down 20%
> Do one thing
> At one time
> With all of your being
> Engage one sense at one time
Make this your default as much as possible.
FRAMEWORK 2
> Ground awareness in the body at the naval
> Anchor it there with the breath
> Notice distractions (when your awareness leaves the grounded body)
> Apply the 6Rs
> Feel the release of tension and stress
> Come back to the body
Practicing both of these will help cultivate powerful awareness throughout the day
One of my new clients made huge leaps with his mindfulness practice in 1 week and sent me this message:
(As well as telling me today he's felt more present than ever and even stopped biting his nails - powerful awareness + relaxation allows you to finally conquer these habitual patterns)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Cultivating awareness does take time - But even a week of consistent practice can make a huge difference
But what do you do with this extra awareness now you've got it?
First you're going to start noticing:
1. Times when you tend to slip into habitual patterns
2. What those patterns consist of
(Are you pushing something away, not saying what you need to say, beating yourself up about something out of your control etc)
An example of a pattern that negatively affects your ability to be the person you know you need to be may be:
> Ruminating while washing the dishes - Thinking about what the next work day holds instead of being present
This resulting tension, anxiety and stress manifests itself as you snapping at your wife..
Or not being fully present for your children's stories about their school day
And here's the bottom line:
Overtime these unconscious habits will break you as you move further away from the person you could be and instead start to embody something you despise
Instead - Do this:
When you notice the pattern arising with your increased awareness as a result of the Meditation + Mindfulness..
> Notice how there's an accompanying sense of clinging or tension in the mind/body
> Take a conscious breath in through the nose
On the out breath feel that clinging/tension releasing and melting away
> Become aware of what's in front of you in this moment:
If it's the dishes, meditate on the dishes
If it's the car you're cleaning, meditate on the car
THIS VERY MOMENT BECOMES YOUR OBJECT OF MEDITATION
Give it your full attention
Every time you relax out of his pattern..
You burn up a bit of it's "fuel"
Eventually it will run out..
And you'll liberate the habitual tendency
(It may however start creeping back in later so keep your constant watch of the mind/body)
The final powerful technique is for when you catch yourself acting out a habitual pattern:
Simply ask yourself:
"Why do I need to react this way?"
Follow this question to it's root..
Allow it to take you deep into your mind
1 of 2 things are going to happen:
1. You'll either come to a point in your past that wounded you (caused some trauma) that results in this pattern
-- In this case - Forgive + Love + Let go --
(Yourself first, then anyone else involved)
2. You won't find any good answer..the mind will pause.. and you'll be struck by a bolt of INSIGHT which will help liberate the pattern
By developing a practice of meditation + mindfulness..
Cultivating awareness..
And bringing this gentle ability to "let go" into your daily life..
You'll start to see a huge increase in your quality of life
This will help you become:
> Calmer
> Wiser
> Kinder
> More loving
> A better leader
> A better decision maker
> A better husband and father
These all lead to both material success and internal mastery
That's why moving towards a more conscious way of living is one of the highest ROI activities you can possibly pursue
It allows you to directly transmute that which results in lack and limit..
Into infinite abundance
(Your true nature)
And take your seat of personal power:
The present moment
This is the way of the Zentrepreneur