From the ages of 13-19 I despised myself to varying degrees..
The standard teenage angst bubbled over into full-blown rage when my father died from cancer..
The years following his death were dark indeed..
And I found myself in many a situation where death was close..
A result of reckless action and self-loathing..
I was so sure of my separation..
So certain of my story..
So wrapped up in the web of self-inflicted suffering..
Yet..
Hope remained
I took solace in long nights doing deep research on a variety of topics..
From bodybuilding to World of Warcraft..
My search eventually led me to Meditation..
And after having picked up a variety of hobbies..
Believing that they were my way out of suffering..
Only to unceremoniously dump them shortly after..
I finally had a powerful sense wash over me:
"This is it...this is what I've been searching for"
I started practicing diligently and never looked back..
A few years after this..
And 1000s of hours of Meditation later..
I arrived at University
(Something I never thought I could achieve)
On the first morning in halls..
The sun rose..
Emitting a beautiful soft golden glow through my 5th floor window..
I had then the powerful sense that I had been reborn
Tears fell from my eyes..
And I was finally operating from a place of TRUE self-acceptance and self-love
The dedication to Meditation had changed me..
Molded my mind and heart..
I was experiencing a level of personal power and mental clarity that felt supernatural..
Later that week in the student union bar..
I came across a sight that took my breath away..
And drew me in with a powerful magnetism..
It was a girl among a group of 15 or so Asians..
She stood out - She seemed to be glowing radiantly..
Time seemed to slow down
I had never felt so compelled to speak to someone in my entire life..
With my newfound powers of confidence and intuition..
I knew what had to be done
I shouted to my roommate:
"I'm going to talk to HER!"
"Which one?"
He yelled back..
But before he could finish his sentence I had set off..
I waded through the crowd..
Reached out my hand and introduced myself
And the rest, they say..
Was history
11 years later..
7 of which we spent in Japan..
(Some marriage photos we took below)
We find ourselves on the cusp of becoming parents to a beautiful baby girl..
And although a lot of things are in flux..
I find myself at a point of profound inner peace and acceptance
Sometimes we need the hardest of SLAPS from the universe to wake us out of our web of self-imposed suffering..
And oddly if my Father had never passed away I probably wouldn't have ever met my soulmate
Life doesn't always make sense..
But if you cultivate firm foundations of:
> Tranquil concentration
> Radical acceptance
> Complete self-love
You'll be equipped to ride the waves skillfully..
Into whatever waves meet you head on..
While cultivating conditions and karma that lead to beauty beyond belief
Genuine change..
From a place of self-loathing, a scattered mind and lack..
To one of personal power, love and self-acceptance
Is not only possible..
But is perhaps your very reason for taking this earth walk